May

There wasn't anybody else at the allotment today. It was fabulously quiet and peaceful. Apparantly they have installed CCTV... somewhere, but is so C that I could SEE it. Very high tech and it's better to be safe, but can't help thinking that it is probably all down the other end of the site where my plot isn't - so I'll just be left lying in a puddle of blood and unsuccessfull planting if anyone did attack me anyway.

Still, there was no blood today. Just ants biting me. I didn't get ants in my pants, but I did get them all over my hands and shoes... and they hurt.

As I was alone I thought I'd take the opportunity for an undisturbed erection (see above). I don't like being watched by the old men while my erection is starting to go up, it puts me off. Theirs are always so much more impressive than mine. I always think they're laughing at me. This year I've gone for the 'tunnel' look with cane on the top. Fancy eh? No?

And by the way making crap jokes about cane erections, is funny EVERY year, EVERY year I tell you and shall continue to be so (for me anyway).

Some of my canes were all rotten - who would have thought that wood would rot if it was left out in the rain and snow?

Let your teeth into that lot... My radish crop has got lots of little biddy bite marks out of it. Shame...but, I pulled out a couple of nice spring onions. Big fat babies.

The beetroot is looking good.

Sign of spud growth. So I covered them.

My little iddy biddy leeks have sprouted. Some people are talking about transplanting theirs and chopping the tops off.... I'm sure mine were alright to plan last month. Anyway, they are growing, but aren't ready just yet for top and tailing just yet...

Look see, I have grown something! Broad beans, with lots of flowers on. Hurrah! No sign of any black fly ... yet, something has been nibbling at the leaves though.

I know, look at the state of them. I put my sweetcorn and my pumpkins in. It might be too early, but I've done it. My sweetcorn was going yellow - it's not meant to be doing that yet. Be green please! Anyway, they are in and Monty would have been proud of me. My green manure (rye grass) that I planted and dug over had rotted down beautifully in this bed and has made wonderful rich soil. I am definitely going to do that again next year. Although it did take until now to rot down, so it will only do in a bed that isn't needed until May/June time I guess. Or not? I don't know.... it seems to have worked so far anyway. The soil is great, the plants aren't.. but, I have grown them myself. They might be spindly and sad looking, but they are all my own work.

That's about it. I've done most of the jobs that were on my list... I haven't netted my strawberries..... gulp. They've got loads on too. Don't worry, I'll do it. The worst hated job. Netting.

Things to remember to do:

Plant some more beans direct

Buy another grow bag

Dig up that big mad lemon mint

Get some more planks round

Do the scarecrow! - important job

Stupid nets for stawberries and brassicas

Oh yes, strim the edges - very important to stay in good books of important allotment lady

Erm, oh yes plant stuff...